Let's Talk About Women & Sex

The adage goes that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing yet expecting something different. People always assume teenage girls have sex because they have poor self-esteem. People always assume that if a woman sleeps around she has poor self-esteem. People always assume that if a woman has a male (or female) friend with benefits she has poor self-esteem. These people will start programs, start groups on facebook, and the like to tell women and girls that having greater self-esteem is the cure for sexual promiscuity. They urge that women should wait for the right man. Mind you, sexual promiscuity is only attributed to women. Having mindless sex is the opposite of what it means to be a woman when women have had mindless sex for milleniums. They will encouage women to wait...and wait...and wait until the right man comes along. To this day, there are women in America who have rushed into marriage just to have sex without the shame. It is safe to say that Generation Xers have had the most confidence induced, self-esteem enhancing training than any other group of women. However, they and their little sisters are the most free with their sexuality.  This thought process that just because a woman wants to have sex just to have sex is bad has not discouraged women (young and old) from seeking out lovers.

Why?

WOMEN LOVE SEX JUST AS MUCH AS MEN DO.



Get that through your fucking skulls jackasses. The sooner we understand this, the sooner we will be able to have honest and more effective conversations with our girls in Sunday school and ourselves in Women's Ministry. The sooner we admit this (as women), the sooner we'll be able to stop disrespecting ourselves and perpeuating this lie that only men enjoy sex. Sex makes a women feel human, feminine, wanted just like it makes a man feel human, masculine, and wanted. If a woman goes too long without sex, she can become a nuisance. If a man goes too long without having sex, he can become a nuisance. If a woman is not being satisfied in the bedroom, she is likely to look elsewhere for companionship (even if he's nice or is married). If a man is not being satisfied in the bedroom, he is likely to look elsewhere for companionship (even if he's married). This is not rocket science.

However, somehow this goes over our head. It always amused me whenever a girl in my church got pregnant, it was the 80 year olds who had out-of-wedlock children at age 14 who had the most to say. Mind you, the teenage mom was not coddled like she is today. Yet, that 'great' generation still found time to have lovers. If mind numbing community scorn didn't stop great grandmom from 'getting it in', why would it now?

These bullshit ass messages of wait and have more self-esteem are all based on a lie that women do not like sex as much as men do, if at all. Anything built on a lie will crumble EVERYTIME.

 We MUST stop looking at our daughters like that have three heads just because they want sex. It has not, is not, and will not work. Anyone who thinks otherwise has been brainwashed. We can spot the brainwashing in people of color but we rarely can spot it in male-female relationships because its been so ingrained for so damn long. We must stop thinking that just because a woman goes out and seeks sexual attention, she is automatically lacking in the self-worth department. We say all the time to highly professional women 'Your degrees won't keep you warm at night'. This alludes to not just romance but sex as well. We are admitting (implicitly) that she NEEDs someone to satisfy her sexually. Yet, then we turn around and condemn women for openly admitting (and God forbid taking steps to make that happen...like men do) the need for her sexual appetite to be satisfied.

The backside of this 'wait it out' mantra is that these women need the most training, if you will, once they do meet Mr. Right or when they do 'fall into temptation'. They are riddled with guilt so they can't have an orgasm no matter how good their lover/husband is. They overscrutinize any man that is interested in them. Thus, losing out on quality relationship opportunities. They only have sex certain days with their husband and only certain positions are allowed...and end up losing good men because they do not know what they're doing and have almost learned to be afraid of their own sexuality.Waiting does not guarantee that you will get married or be respected-which is what the Wait Team advocates. There is no evidence that waiting it out raises self-esteem (arrogance maybe) or will guarantee you a good and faithful husband. We also perpuate this schizophrenic attitude men have toward women-loving the wife and loving the whore at the same time. It also heightens divisiveness between women, as if women need more things to be divided about.

Women want to have sex...because they want to have sex.

I'm not a fan of hip-hop. However, one thing I do appreciate, which is an extension of this topic, is that they're highlighting the importance of not only having sex but that the sex be good too. Its considered a way to further impress a woman...That is a whole 'nother discussion.