If one frequents Black Women Empowerment websites, you have become acquainted with the acronym DBR to describe Black-American Men. I just want to spell out some of symptoms of this disease that plagues many Black men. I'm sure the term begs the question, damaged by what? An amalgamation of historic events; events put on black people by others and events put on themselves. I really believe the damage comes from believing black men can do no harm. This has provided the cancer that pervades Black American culture. When people have no accountability, they run amuck to their own shagrin. And being that men are natural leaders (women are quite a force to be reckoned with in their own right; ask Eve) their recklessness effects the whole family/neighborhood/community/country/world. DBR Men can be any age even though most tend to be Xers, Yers, and millenials (under 40). Nonetheless, these men had to get this faulty thinking from somewhere. They can hold any position in the community (Pastor, lawyer, community organizer, spoken word artist, professional, doesn't matter). They can be married or single, as Black women have formed a (bad) habit of looking the other way at these attributes, thus normalizing such behavior instead of correcting it. They can be or come from any income bracket.
Nonetheless, even good Black men may have a few of these issues lying dormant. If you notice many of these symptoms on a Black-American man (or a Black man from any continent), take note, keep your guard up, and avoid. You don't have to be unpleasant or try to fix them. Just move away.
Again, this list does not pertain to ALL black men so spare me the angry comments.
This list of symptoms are in no particular order but can be grouped into 3-4 different categories as I have done.
DBRs do not Value Black Women, Family, or Community
-Calls black women bitches and hoes ad nauseum.
-Doesn’t see how interracial marriage weakens heritage (unless, of course, a Black woman dates/marries a white man). ‘It's not that big of a deal’ is the opinion.
Nonetheless, even good Black men may have a few of these issues lying dormant. If you notice many of these symptoms on a Black-American man (or a Black man from any continent), take note, keep your guard up, and avoid. You don't have to be unpleasant or try to fix them. Just move away.
Again, this list does not pertain to ALL black men so spare me the angry comments.
This list of symptoms are in no particular order but can be grouped into 3-4 different categories as I have done.
DBRs do not Value Black Women, Family, or Community
-Calls black women bitches and hoes ad nauseum.
-Doesn’t see how interracial marriage weakens heritage (unless, of course, a Black woman dates/marries a white man). ‘It's not that big of a deal’ is the opinion.
-Thinks that the best natural hair is good hair. Anything thicker than that 'needs to be done', i.e. straightened. Yet is surprised (or disgusted) that so many black women depend on weaves.
-Brags about the fact that black men (seemingly) have more options than black women
-has a color complex
-thinks black women are expecting too much for wanting a faithful, financially fit, respectable, marriage- minded man
-calls black woman bougie or not black for having standards (marriage before children, relationship before sex, etc)
-Thinks Black women want perfect men
-Says black women don’t want nice guys but will not admit that he chases after hoodrats. (Hoodrats can have degrees, mind you. These women may be a bit more polished but if you talk to them their hoodrat ideology seeps through their pores)
-has a weird family background…and has no problem repeating it with his own children
-Fights tooth and nail not to pay child support.
-tries to have unprotected sex
-is on the down low
-prides himself on being a walking dildo (and nothing more)
-has had several children out of wedlock (with still no desire for marriage in sight)
-has had several children out of wedlock (with still no desire for marriage in sight)
DBRs Have a Jacked Up Worldview
-Likes mainstream rap music
-thinks black women can/should control black men by withholding sex
-is average looking but will not consider average looking black women
-Has no goals or ambition
-is determined to be the next baller or rapper, if there is any ambition, otherwise has no big dreams
-thinks girls in high school should be clairvoyant and date the nerds/nice guys based on potential. He blames thuggery, crime, and overall recklessness in the community on high school girls preferences.
-is determined to be the next baller or rapper, if there is any ambition, otherwise has no big dreams
-thinks girls in high school should be clairvoyant and date the nerds/nice guys based on potential. He blames thuggery, crime, and overall recklessness in the community on high school girls preferences.
-thinks being black means being dysfunctional
-is afraid to take care of his own health.
-owns a gun but is not a police officer
-dresses like a thug but is offended when people (women avoid, police officers are attracted) treat him as such.
-is in his middle years (or beyond) yet still wears braids and jerseys
-he wants the privilege of patriarchy (submission) without the responsibility of patriarchy (providing and protecting the family)
-he wants the privilege of patriarchy (submission) without the responsibility of patriarchy (providing and protecting the family)
DBRs Think Black Men Can Do No Wrong
-Sees clear as day how black women are complicated but can’t see how black men are just as complicated and can be difficult to deal with
-thinks black women should settle for anyone and consider the 'potential' in a man
-calls a black woman a gold digger for wanting a man with means, even when she has means of her own and is really just looking for a financial equal. Mind you, most non-black women are encouraged to marry up.
-gets an attitude when black women start dating white men when the handwriting is on the wall that there are limited viable options within the community. He would prefer for them to sit, pine, beg, settle for scraps or leftovers, and waste their youth waiting on Black men 'to get their acts together'.
-says he can’t find someone to settle down with even though everyone knows there are plenty of quality available black women out there
-thinks that Black women should stick by Black men even though a large proportion of Black men have made it abundantly clear that they could care less about anyone but themselves (music, low marriage/highest interracial marriage rates, many unsupported children)
-thinks faithfulness is not in a man's nature
-blames ‘The Man’ for his own bad choices
-blames women (even girls) for getting raped
-blames black women and white men for everything wrong with the black community (i.e. him)
-is virtually homeless (lives with/off mom or girlfriend) and is content about it.
-tries to get people to 'understand' when they question black men's collective dysfunction
-his reason for dating and marrying non-black women is because the girls in high school 'didn't want me'...and he's in his 50s. MOST people in high school didn't get who they wanted to get.
-his reason for dating and marrying non-black women is because Black women 'don't want me' without once mentioning why he might've been unwantable....ugly, unkempt, boring, arrogant, and generally unpleasant. I don't care how desperate a woman is, its only so long she can put up with these characteristics.
-his reason for dating and marrying non-black women is because the girls in high school 'didn't want me'...and he's in his 50s. MOST people in high school didn't get who they wanted to get.
-his reason for dating and marrying non-black women is because Black women 'don't want me' without once mentioning why he might've been unwantable....ugly, unkempt, boring, arrogant, and generally unpleasant. I don't care how desperate a woman is, its only so long she can put up with these characteristics.
-his reason for dating and marrying a non-black woman is never this woman provides love, affection, and we have a lot of things in common -the normal reasons to be with someone. His reasons start with a laundry list of why Black women aren't quality women.
Other Deficiencies of DBRs
Other Deficiencies of DBRs
-thinks all black women have bad attitudes
-is an ex-con… and still hasn’t gotten his act together
-is an ex-con… and still hasn’t gotten his act together
-thinks its EVER ok to call someone a nigga.
-places no value on Black History
-has an overall angry disposition and a severe entitlement mentality
-Loves a great conspiracy theory.
Black women (and white people) who support the behaviors listed above are called 'DBR enablers' and also must be avoided.
Solutions
Solutions
Very thought provoking points. I can tell you have thought through a lot of different angles to the DBR (Damaged Beyond Repair) Brotha.
ReplyDeleteAppreciate the article. Now my request is for you lay out solutions article as well.
Well, golly. A rather comprehensive list. Perhaps there could be more angles with which to pepper Black men with and there were a few disclaimers but that also leaves a very narrow line to walk as a Black man.
ReplyDeleteIt was really uncomfortable reading, knowing I wasn't necessarily the target BUT that I also wasn't NOT the target. I could be.
I agree for the most part because I've seen plenty a brotha just being an overall donkey. However, I'm now defensive at the thought of any random Black woman who having read this blog, now classifies brothas recklessly and abundantly with common improper perceptions and misunderstandings.
Diva dudes like the only way to maintain such a finely swath path to Black manhood with 'nary a decent image to provide the light of a north star.
Such a lens to view...I'm uncomfortable with myself now.
anyways, thanks for writing it. I'll think about tackling something like this on my own blizzog. lol
great article
ReplyDeleteYes, thank you for posting that.
ReplyDeleteNo Jerome she does NOT have to lay out solutions isn't that just like a BM, wanting the BW to do all the work why don't YOU lay out the solution!
BM are on a downward spiral. Really, I can't stand most of them for the reasons above.
I've recently become aware of this DBR conversation taking place on BWE sites. I would say that the DBR label applies equally to black females and males. In my travels thru life, I see just as many DBR black females as males (if you want to use that label). And to the BWE site followers, I would remind you that these DBR males were produced both literally and metaphorically by a DBR female. The black male and female come out of the same communities. And yes these communities were flooded with pathologies. How could one be sicker than the other. It seems to me that many of the patrons of these BWE sites are angry frustated pathetic human beings. The BWE sites are plugging into this negative energy that unfortunately, too many black people are awash in today. Many of these site followers are DBR themselves. I would offer this suggestion to those who seek some form of relief from these sites. Stop feeling entitled. You are not entitled to something in life, just because you want it. You are not God's gift to the universe. No one is. Fix yourselves first. Now these BWE sites are proliferating at such a rate that I am starting to wonder who is behind them. No doubt, some of them have white men behind them. It is a delicious method for sowing discord in an already damaged community. Yes, I said it. The black community itself is damaged - just a statement of fact. Now as for the IR thread, date whoever you want. That’s your business. I’ve been very successful in the corporate world all my adult life. That is because I am very good at what I do. There are always whites (males are the worst) who hate me for this. They would deny me if they could, but I simply won’t be denied. Most people in corporate America are just average people who went to average schools with average white collar jobs. Now I could start cataloguing the shortcomings of black women, starting with the 70 plus percent obesity rate (but I digress). When the patrons of these BWE sites categorize the average white men they are meeting as supermen, (if you are not the 1 percent, you are not meeting the 1 percent) they are broadcasting their shortcomings. Let’s tone down the hostile rhetoric, date who you want (or who you can). We can all stand some self improvement. Try to live your best life.
ReplyDeleteHonest Black Guy
Having only recently become aware of the proliferation of BWE web sites and the acronym DBR, my first response was shock at the tone of them. I generally don't blog and I generally don't post, but after getting over my initial shock (at the hostile rhetoric) I am looking at these sites in a more nuanced way. If the intent is to reach back into the hood and warn young black girls about the perils they face, then there is some honor in that. But to the extent that some of the patrons of these sites are angry and frustrated and seeking to cause hurt, that is not a good thing. It is true there are too many DBR black men and too many DBR black women. The difference is that the DBR black men do commit large volumes of senseless violence and they do wreak havoc on their communities in ways that the DBR female does not. To be honest, I am not comfortable using the term DBR - it is such a perjorative term. But if that's the language of the conversation, here I am. It would be a good thing if the young black girl in the hood could have greater dating options. Almost anything would beat what's right outside her door. But in reality we know that's not practical. How many young white guys from the burbs are going to go to the projects to see their girlfreinds. Not only would that be unwise for him, it would be unsafe.
ReplyDelete