It Ain't Just the Men

I log on to The Book (facebook) and one of my friends statuses reads something along the lines of  'I've never had a Valentine'. Seems like more people than we know have this experience. Anyway, then I remembered that this sister had a child. Another one of her friends co-signed 'me either' and they both agreed that their v-day gifts were children, fighting, and drama Pardon me but (in my facebook vernacular) wtf?

Several things come to mind:

What type of relationships were these women in when they chose to have unprotected sex? (Not good ones obviously)

How long were these women in these relationships before they got so comfortable as to not take birth control or guard against pregnancy?  and diseases? (Not long enough)

 Forget marriage, we're not even waiting to have a solid relationship before we have children

and we wonder why we stay losin'.

Black women do we like being single mothers? Do we just accept that we won't get married and so we take any bit of sperm from any ole body hoping that the 'strugglin black single mother' will validate our existence, while further reducing our chances of being with a quality man, becoming wealthy, and giving our kids better than we had? We then have the nerve to say, these guys ain't no good. You should have figured that out BEFORE you got knocked up. That's what being a woman and a mommy is all about. Too many of us have some jacked up ass thinking about how to put together a family....AND MANY ARE EDUCATED WOMEN WHO SHOULD KNOW BETTER. Jill Scott (not Lil Kim) had a baby by a man
who already had three baby moms and then was (wait for it ) surprised when he didn't want to fulfill his responsibilities. They were engaged. They broke up shortly after they gave birth. Her response:'it is what it is'. Again, wtf? We aren't even thinking. We aren't even trying to learn from our parents mistakes.

I open my body up to a person I barely know. I have unprotected sex with him even though there are several signs that he will not be responsible if I get pregnant. I've seen this happen to several of my sisters,
cousins, and friends (and mother and aunts). I get pregnant. I have the baby. When he does not change or gets worse (or doesn't really change at all I was just so caught up I couldn't see him clearly anyway), I act surprised and pissy. I get together with my sisters, friends, mother, and aunts and shame all black men for their reckless and irresponsible behavior. Ladies, that is bullshit and we know it.

Yes, these men should be quality fathers.  However, if you thought so highly of him that you felt it was okay to have unprotected sex with him several times, knowing the consequences you are just as reckless and irresponsible as he is. In most cases, the women know the guy is a loser. She knows he most likely won't stick around and definitely won't marry her. She knows he doesn't make enough to barely feed himself, let alone her and a baby. To these women who didn't really think that highly of the man but just let things happen, I would say you are just plain stupid and/or have a bad self-esteem. You just do not care. You need just as much help as 'these men'. I was raised by a single(divorced)  mother. I am fighting my desires to be a mother because I'll be damned to have a baby without a solid (marital) union and have my baby fighting the same demons I am because daddy wasn't there. Uh-uh. The generational curse of broken home stops with I not with any program or even another person.

To take it a step further, when some of these single mothers meet a black woman with no kids and refuses to be in a relationship filled with drama, they throw her childlessness in her face. 'Well thats why you'ont ha no kids'. WTF? A woman who values herself enough to stay away from dead weight relationships and decides to wait until she's married to have kids is of little value....in their warped way of thinking. Ladies, we are only hurting ourselves with this thinking. Free your mind and the rest will follow.

Also, check this out.