Colorism: An Overblown Controversy

It's hard being beautiful
but somebody's gotta do it.

I am a dark-skinned black woman and I have never had a problem turning heads and getting dates. NEVER. No, I am not a diva by any stretch of the imagination...Ok sometimes I am when I want to be. I am a very low maintenance woman and I've had men approach me even when in my sweatpants and t-shirt, not trying to be cute mode. In a lot of cases, by light-skinned black men. The Black blogosphere is obsessed with colorism but as a dark-skinned sister, for me, there is no struggle. Yes, there are the Lil' Waynes of the world but no self-respecting woman of any race should want him (or any bumba clot like him) anyway and thus shouldn't care what this human gargoyle has to say. When losers (male or female; rich or poor; famous or ordinary) say stuff like that, you should thank them for being so transparent and be glad you didn't extol any more of your time trying to play nice. Move on.

In past generations, there might have been a bigger issue but most of the dark-skinned older women I know are married. I know just as many single light-skinned older women as dark-skinned older women. I've gone to as many weddings of dark-skinned brides as light-skinned brides. I know as many light-skinned single mothers as dark-skinned single mothers. I have just as lively a dating life as my light(er)-skinned friends. Sometimes more. So...again, I'm not understanding the hype. I can honestly say that I am where I am in terms of relationships because of what I have done, not some weird ill-documented ism. And white men, who are opening up to black women more and more, love the chocolate thunders. A black woman is a black woman to them...as is the case to most Black men. Black women need love and affection just like everybody else. If a man from another race finds you fascinating, by all means, go for it. Yes, I maintain the black family is important. However, my dating experience is not one filled with ignorant black men but I have heard some stories. You gotta do what you gotta do to get the love that you deserve.

If anything, it's the light(er) skinned WOMEN who don't think too highly of dark(er)-skinned women not the brothers. It's my light(er)-skinned female co-workers who act surprised when I have a date, not the brothers. Also, this colorism pendulum is swinging in the opposite direction for light-skinned brothers. Too many light-skinned brothers are not seen as masculine and are more often deemed 'pretty boys' or 'soft' compared to their darker brothers.  What's up with that? But again, I would hasten to say most decent looking light-skinned men are probably not having problems scoring any dates.

How about everybody just breathe, chill out, and  look themselves in the mirror where for me the problem has always been. If need be, throw on some make-up, drink some water, toss them tresses, put on some heels, walk tall, and keep it moving.  If you think you are unattractive to others and are looking for affirmation outside of yourself, others will perceive it and will be turned off. People pick up neediness and run. It is a sign of weakness and people are repelled. They also will have no problem throwing it back in your face as you have made it oh so clear what gets under your skin.   

Let's stop with the Negro Nonsense.