Is this the reason why women will drag a man kicking and screaming to the alter knowing that the relationship may not last, but hoping for the best? Is this the reason why man sharing is even considered? Is this the reason why women will have relationships with married men? Is the stigma of singleness the reason why getting engaged and married is seen as the ultimate goal among women of all socioeconomic standings? Is this why women will abandon their children or have babies with men who they know won’t stick around (proof that at one time, she wasn’t single)? What has made being single and a woman at the same time such a terrible state to be in?
Men do not need women to be acceptable. However, women need men to acceptable. I am convinced that a lot of women want to married or be in a relationship, not to be married just not to single. They prefer to be attached because it erases the stigma associated with being single. What is the stigma? Being single means a woman is
-too consumed with career
-too picky
-undesirable
-unwanted
-unacceptable
Therefore, women will go to all lengths to get a man. The old maid is the stereotype most women abhor and want to avoid. Never mind, the old maid might be rich, is well traveled, and is at peace. ‘But those things won’t keep her warm at night’ is what some say. But neither will a man who does not honor her either. For a man, being in a relationship is neither here nor there. If he has one, great. If he doesn’t, no big deal.
Go to any bookstore in America. More dating books are dedicated to women than to men. Women’s magazines almost always promote ways to get and keep a man. Singleness is only an option if you’re dead. Very few men’s magazine give as much space to getting and keeping a woman. However, I believe the Creator of both men and women said that it is not good for Man to be alone. Yet our society believes the exact opposite. Our society believes it is not good for a woman to be alone. It is not good (or normal) for a woman to not be serving or be served by a man in an intimate way…and be happy about it.
Women have been trained to idolize men and companionship. ‘Trophy wives’ is a phrase we use to describe a man who married gorgeous woman after gaining a lot of money. But in society a man, any man, is a trophy. Idolatry always leads to bondage…always. An idol is anything, other than God, that one thinks will give them peace. In this case, the idol is a man and the ego. It’s the ego that allows women to stay in bad relationships-to save face. The only way to be in society’s good graces is to have a man. Idols must be killed. People must reeducate themselves. Sure, single women want the relationship but erasing the social stigma is also a powerful benefit of being in a relationship. It has been so engrained in most women’s mind they can’t separate the desire for a mate from the desire to be considered acceptable. Having a mate and acceptability are one in the same to us in a lot of ways. Singleness and loneliness have become synonyms. Have they become synonyms because one is actually lonely or because everybody says a woman should feel lonely if she’s not attached and thus she conjures up such feelings?
If women developed a healthy attitude towards men (as men do about women)-that they are a blessing but my self-worth is not dependent on whether I have one or not-how many industries would go belly up? How many divorces would be avoided? How many families would be in tact? A lot of women say it but they do not really believe it. I believe the stigma of singleness is a major cause for depression and anxiety among women of all socioeconomic levels.
I am not saying women should abandon men. How did enjoying one’s singleness come to mean hating men, or lesbianism, or the denial of women’s natural desire to be in relationships, or anything along those lines? What I am advocating is for people to examine how much weight they place on women being in relationships.
Idols must be slayed or they snake around you and squeeze and squeeze and squeeze until enough is well past enough. Reader, have you pressured a single woman into taking him because she’s ‘not getting any younger’? Have you pressured yourself into staying with a man for decades (and having his kids) and he knows you want to be married but he won’t take the leap? Why do (did) you stay? Do really love him? Or is there something else at play? Have you ever assumed a woman wasn’t happy because she wasn’t in a relationship? Have you questioned a woman’s sexuality because she was single for several years and lived a full life? Stop thinking like that. It will be hard. The older the idol, the stronger the hold. The older it gets, the more comfortable and normal it becomes and therefore it becomes hard to slay. We as a society need to be delivered from this thinking.
A woman is valuable because she is who she is not because she’s attached to anyone or anything else.
Marriage and happiness are not synonyms.
One can be lonely in a relationship.
Contentment is the best beauty cream.
A man is not the end all be all to a woman’s problems.
Mind your own business.
Some people need to take a relationship-fast so they can get their sanity back.
A lot of relationships brings a lot of baggage.
A man is a blessing but a woman’s worth is not determined by whether she is attached to one.
Better to be single than to lose your mind.
I will not think twice about why a woman (or anyone) is eating in a restaurant by herself.
If she’s not married, so what.
If she’s not married and happy about it, she’s not a weirdo.
If she doesn’t want to get married, she’s not a weirdo.
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