Dear Black Women

Black women, this is what you need to do in order for us to be better as a people. Everyone must do their part. Don’t respond with an angry comment. Read it. Think on it for a day. If you still have qualms, respond. I wrote a letter to black men too so don’t get your panties in a wad.

1. Stop with the excuses. Stop blaming the (white) man and black men for things that are legitimately your fault (I’m not talking to DBR black women either). You let the black family disintegrate to a point where it is strange to see a happily married black couple with their black children. You helped turn the black neighborhood into a war zone by enabling worthless men who could care less about you. You let the OOW birthrate get out of hand by opening your body up to losers who you knew weren’t going to stick around only to whine about it later. We (upstanding black people) must STOP with the excuses and take responsibility for ourselves. If Dr. DuBois in the Philadelphia Negro during the turn of the 200th century declared that the lion's share of the work will not lie with white people but with black people, you know  those of us in the turn of the 21rst century have no excuse. 

2. Stop wanting a cookie for treating black men like dogs. Don’t demand that they soften up and ‘come back home’ when you treat them like shit. Don’t bitch about black men not being good when you say ‘he’s too nice. I like drama’. Don’t bitch about black men not being good when you want a black man to pay a bill when he barely knows you…and have the nerve to call yourself independent. You would not pull that shit with a white guy. Don’t bitch about black men not being good when you choose to stay with someone who waves his lovers names in your damn face. Don’t bitch about black men not being good when you would even consider dating a man who is a terrible father. Women affect men and men affect women…ask Adam and Eve. How did we get to a place where we treated eachother so abnormally?

3. Stop being offended when a black man wants a woman who takes care of herself. I’m amazed at how many obese black women complain about men not liking them but have the nerve to turn up their noses at fat black guys. Baby girl, if you wouldn’t want it, why should anybody else want it? Men are visual creatures. He likes to be aroused when you walk in the room just as much as you want to be aroused when he walks in the room. This advice goes to the single women with or without children. Big kids turn into big adults. Stop pacifying your child’s tantrums by giving them food. If you do not want your sons and daughters to have the weight issues you and/or some of your peers have, feed them properly.

4. Marriage and birth control is everybody’s business. We can blame the men all we want but we had sex with these men requiring little in return and we know it. I’m not talking to the DBR women either. I’m talking to the educated, sanctified sisters who have/are losing their minds. We have become consumed with being mothers at all costs. However, being a good mother (parent) means you build a nest with all the right people with which to bring them into. I was raised by a single mother and I’ll be damned if I let my unborn children have to fight the same demons because of my own desires to be a mommy. To the childless woman and single mother, require condoms during intercourse and marriage before children and you will cut a lot of these punks from your life at the gate. They are DEAD WEIGHT. You can do bad all by yourself. You don’t need unnecessary people coming in, clouding your mind, devaluing your body or your future, and jacking up another generation of your family. CUT THEM OFF.

5. Stop needing a man (or children) to validate you. Black women will do anything for a man and black men of every moral caliber know it. I have met seasoned black women still caught up in this thinking. Black women have even convinced themselves that if they don’t have a man, they will have children (as proof that at one time a man loved, i.e. paid attention to them). Shenanigans. Self-esteem comes from within, not from without. I would rather be single and in my right mind than in an (verbally, physically, sexually, emotionally) abusive relationship any day of the weak. God did not give Adam a wife to abuse and he didn’t. Adam might be possibly the only man in human history who may have had a good reason to hurt his wife. However, Adam LOVED Eve. After the Fall, ‘He brought Eve unto Himself’. Reconciliation started with the man. Stop bending yourself into a pretzel for a man that treats you like garbage. Move the fuck on.

Yeah, this will keep him faithful.

6. Stop measuring your womanhood by your measurements or how many children you have. Is a big behind and children all black women can contribute to the world? You can buy hips nowadays and other women can have their own children by irresponsible black men. That’s not saying much. Black women are in a position to throw salt in the face of patriarchy and run their own shiznick. We are a dynamic collective. We are greater than our behinds and our fertility. We have the potential to do greater but we are not accessing it because of our jack up self-esteems and making decisions by unscrupulously laying up with and defending questionable men. Let’s measure our womanhood as ownership (the shoe company not the shoe), commitment to growth, and responsibility.

7. Stop thinking that marrying a white man is sticking it to black men when you know good and well you hate the concept. That’s why you’re forcing yourself and other black women to think otherwise. Evil men come in every package, ask any White or Asian woman. I’ve never had a problem meeting decent career and marriage minded black men. No one could care less if you married outside the race. If you marry the man, love him for him. Don’t marry him out of contempt for black men. He (as you do) deserves better than that.

8. It’s okay to feel tired of doing everything. People  want black women to calm down and act as if their situation is normal. Black women have a right be angry and worn out.   
There may come a time when black women worldwide will have to leave the men behind. It is already starting to happen. Hell, if Bill Cosby is saying ‘leave them behind’ you know we are in trouble .  How much of our obesity (i.e. food therapy gone wrong) is due to our collective bad self-esteem? Black women are more concerned with how blacks are perceived than black men. We must let down these bags. We must let black men fall on their own behinds from time to time. Stop marching every time a black man is brutalized by the police when the ‘victim’ who has been polluting the neighborhood for a generation finally gets caught. Turn some heads by LOOKing AT THE ENTIRE SITUATION and even get on the side of the police when they catch a Negro who’s been out of line for some years. If terrified women and children won’t get this crook to stop and ‘good’ black men act as if it’s none of their business, then other men need to come in and handle their business. These dead weight black men don’t care about us. We have to stop caring about them. Stop supporting every black artist/show just because they’re black but give us a bad image around the world. Stop supporting the black politician who got caught with his pants down (singing 'We Shall Overcome'), blaming ‘the man’ for him dishonoring his marriage vows. Stop supporting the dead weight.


9. Relearn how to be WOMEN...sugar, spice, and everything nice.  Learn how to get what you want with your God-given feminine charm, of which there is no defense. Expect to be provided and protected for. Does everything in your relationship have to be a fight? Is submission really a curse word even when you know he's right? We have been so consumed with carrying the family (the man's job) that we forgot how to be feminine. Khadija Nassif raises some good points here .

10. In essence, do better. Black women as a collective know how they need to change. Our standards for ourselves have gotten too low. That’s why we always lash out and blame everybody else when even other black women put us on front street. Be a woman. Take responsibility. Again, no more excuses. Do better.