Feminism Is Not Killing The Black Family

Feminism as we know it was considered a white woman's struggle by most Black women and men. In a lot of ways, Black men had a 40 year head start to get their ish together before their dirty laundry was put on front street to a lesser degree than the public flogging White men had to endure from white women. Isn't it funny? White women started feminism yet Black women are not submissive.  The Psychotherapy industry was built because of their inadequacies but Black women are the ones with the personality issues. They are ALWAYS given the benefit of the doubt.

Nonetheless, the frustration being exhibited today by Black women runs counter to feminism's claims. Black women want Black men to be men and lead the home and race. However, Black men's behavior runs counter to doing either and we are tired of waiting. And about the women considering white men, please believe if a decent (good job, good morals, ambitious) brother stepped to any of these Black women, they would consider him in a heartbeat. The Black man still has the home-court advantage when it comes to Black women. Here are the major issues of concern.

1. Black men want Black women to lead and be submissive at the same time. Black women are always beat up for not being submissive enough but these same men will whine about having to chase the woman to initiate a relationship. Black men want Black women to tame them by withholding sex instead of them just doing what's right in the first place. Black men don't want to bust their behinds to give their kids a better life, have no problem watching a Black woman do it, and again whine when the sister holds him accountable for not doing his manly role of providing more for his family.  Black women want to be chased, caught, protected, and provided for just like every other woman on the planet. Black women are not 75% Black and 25% woman. We are and will always be 100% Black and 100% woman just like Black men are 100% Black and 100% men.

2. Black women want Black men to be adequate providers. This is part of the basic roles and responsibilities of being a man. Being concerned about a man's finances is not gold-digging. It is wisdom. At the end of the day, the woman knows that romance and swagger will not keep the lights on. Black women who have gone to the same jacked up neighborhood schools, come from the same jacked up families, and such but are going to college in droves and seeing major returns for their work. No group of people have suceeded, considering where they started and where they are now, like Black women. Black women know Black men are not going to be in the same economic boat as a lot of White men due to historical oppression. However, it has lifted substantially and everyone knows it. Black women are wondering why Black men cannot, or in some cases refuse, to keep up. Black men led the various struggles fror freedom but seemingly fell back when it was time to go to work for themselves.

3. Black women want Black men to treat them like ladies. Black women love chivalry. I'm not talking about the overgrown battered girls. I'm talking about the women. Any Black man who says Black women do not like the nice guys is probably chasing polished hoodrats, and is not even considering the wife material Black women. Too many Black men do not know how to treat a woman. You do not talk about sex on the first or second phone conversation. You do not depend on her to plan all the dates (again wanting her to lead). And even in regards to the less than mature Black woman, usually she expects so little treatment from Black men because that's all she's been exposed to. Black men need to learn how to be gentle and sweet toward Black women, starting with their daughters.

4. Black women want Black men to be moral, marriage-minded individuals. Again, I'm talking about the decent Black women. Too many Black men have no problem dating, shacking up, and having kids for several years and will not marry the woman, only to say he's not ready. Too many Black men fight tooth and nail not to take care of their children. Too many Black men shun marriage and find no value in it when people have been getting married and building strong communities for milleniums. There is a way to put together a family. We wouldn't need so many mentoring programs if men were more consistent in their children's lives. Too many Black men are too careless about having unprotected sex. Again, I'm not talking about the bottom of the barrel Black men either. I'm talking to the ambitious, middle class, and upperclass men who have lost their bearings. Notto mention the Black men have resorted to selling drugs. You can't blame The Man for your oppression when you happily participate in it. We have 40 years of evidence of what drugs,  incarceration, and violence do to our community. Why we still have a contingent bent on making this their way of life when there are so many other viable options is beyond me.


5. Black women want Black music to be more positive and less degrading to Black women. This is self-explanatory. 'It ain't that bad' or 'it is what it is' is the sentiment that is too often expressed.

This is not feminism. These are just normal requests. Black people are in a place where they are having to restore basic institutions-strong families, safe neighborhoods, and healthy people. There are so many authors and life-coaches who focus solely on what women can do to be more womanly to attract a man. However, there are very few men who ever hold the men accountable. We cannot have better relationships if the only people willing to change are the women.

For all the warts that the Black Church has, this is where you will find Black men married to Black women and raising their Black children (and the children of others). If they're single, they're not philandering around the neighborhood carrying diseases with them. Regardless of their marital status, they are giving back to the community in the form of their ministries-men's ministry, boys ministry, running the day school, visiting people in the nursing homes and in the hospitals, serving the homeless, assisting families going through bereavement, driving the youth group wherever they needed to go, just to name a few. From the pulpit, they're encouraged to love their wives and train their children. I was raised in a single parent home and I can say that at the small black church where I grew up, I was shown what responsible Black men looked like.