Maybe our Definition of Good Is Bad



You often hear Black Women say that they (white women or other non-black women) are taking all the good ones. Or they say, they keep leaving us for white women.  However, I think we need to reassess our ‘losses’.  Is it me or do black women have a false sense of entitlement? I don't know but that's another post for another day.

Should Black women really be concerned with OJ ‘getting away’?

Should we really be upset when womanizing Michael Jordan (or any other philandering athlete) is seen with a white woman? If most of these NBA players couldn’t play ball, where would most of them be?

Should we really be upset when Wesley Snipes who has publicly denounced black women marries a white woman?

Should we really be upset about Clarence Thomas marrying a white woman? Can you imagine if he’d been married to a Sista and Anita Hill pulled his cards like that? Or would she have even considered bringing it up as we all know his street cred was already depleted by his white wife, his party affiliation, and his personal positions?

Should we really be upset that Tiger Woods married a white woman? Can you imagine what would have happened if his wife was black when all those bleach blond mistresses came out of the closet? That would not have been a good look to say the least.

Is the guy in payroll really what you want your son to become? The one who thinks his *ish don’t stink? 

How about Lil Wayne who has children dancing to “I wanna f*ck every girl in the world’?  

The only thing these black men have in common is money. Does money make a man good? Is a man good because he is black?  I would think the answer to these questions is no. Then, why do so many black women lament when our garbage wants to ‘run away?

Race + financial status does not equal an upstanding character.  

When I think of a good man, I think of a man I want my future sons to be when they grows up. I want my husband to be rich in character so that he can keep his financial assets. So many of our dead weight black celebrities (male and female)  get rich and lose it all due to poor decisions, indicative of poor character-running through women, gun possession, assault, drug possession, and having no other skills besides rapping or playing a game.

When we moan about men like the ones listed above, it is indicative that our priorities are out of whack. It is safe to say that most celebrities black or white are idiots. They are not the biggest brains on the debate team. Think about high school. The popular kids and jocks were usually the dumbest. We can’t expect them to be conscious, even when they’ve grown up. Many haven’t grown up at all which is exhibited by their choices that knock them off of their pedestals, losing coveted opportunities, and have us shake our head in the process. Most have not proven that they have any standards. Most black male celebrities are dead weight and we shouldn’t give two cents whether any non-black woman wants them.

One time when I caught ComicView on BET, a white comedian got on stage and said ‘I want to thank the black guys for taking the ugly ones off our hands’.  The crowd laughed tremendously as they should.

Like the ComicView comedian, in a lot of cases black women should thank non-black women.

Attention! Attention! ‘I like to thank all the white and asian women for taking the losers off our hands. They’re your dead weight now’.    

This goes back to black women not needing anyone to validate them. Self-love comes from the self. This also comes from blacks properly evaluating men. We have done the opposite of what MLK dreamed of. We have judged a man by the color of his skin first rather than by the content of his character and then cry when we get burned. As Zora Neale Hurston once said “everybody that’s my skin folk ainb't my kinfolk’. When a joker wants to marry a white woman, review his rap sheet in terms of character first and everything else second. Have we really ‘lost’ anything?  Usually not or we don’t know enough about the man to give a real answer.   If we don’t know him, we should just consider him a black man married to a white woman and not moan about what we ‘lost’ when we don’t know the caliber of the man in question. 

In a lot of ways, our (black) culture has made black men out to be  the perpetual victims. They can do no wrong.  They’re always reacting instead of acting and can’t think for themselves. They’re always assets to us . Someone is ‘taking’ them from us. We are not doing enough for them. They have been brainwashed (i.e. its someone else’s fault so don’t be too hard on them). When they are wealthy, their stock goes up even if they’re still morally bankrupt.  When we judge men on their character first and then they’re physical attributes, we can really examine what we ‘lost’ and keep our eyes centered on the men of character who are all around.

As I’ve said before, I’ve never had a problem meeting/dating career and marriage minded black  men.  But as I have to sometimes reiterate to these good brothas is just because you’re good, doesn’t mean you’re good for me or the black woman you’re interested in. She may not want kids and you do. You may see yourself living in your current city for the rest of your life and she may not. She may be of a different religion and it would be uncomfortable for her raising children with someone with conflicting views on God. That comes with the dating territory. You’re trying to find the one…not any one which is great. Nobody is trying to get married to get divorced. The Lonely Black Woman industrial Complex has taught a lot of men that black women should just accept anything. That is a recipe for disaster.   

Conversely, a lot of black women think that black men should accept anything out of them in order to still be considered good. This is also faulty thinking.

A lot of times we can’t see these really decent brothas because we’re wringing our hands over the ones that ‘got away’ who weren’t good for us to begin with. And sometimes, bend over backwards in order to prevent another ‘good’ black man from running to a white woman. Trust and believe if a black woman has to be perfect or ‘act right’ or else he’s gonna start exclusively dating outside the race HE WASN’T WORTH IT. He probably wanted to be with them in the first place and his half-assed attempt at relationships with black women was his way of scrounging up some evidence for an excuse. If some woman’s imperfections (as if he’s/they’ve never made a mistake) was enough to wash his hands of black women, LET HIM GO.  There are of PLENTY of fish in the sea even if not in the Black Sea.

Also, be aware just because a man has a degree doesn’t mean he has character. TALK TO THE MAN. Black men talk to black men about black women. Black women talk to black women about black men. Nobody’s talking to each other. We go on dates expecting BULLSHIT. Our guard is up and thus no one is free to be human and make a mistake or else we're ready to throw up our hands. Also, people with degrees tend to have hefty college loans that you will get married to if the two of you decide to tie the knot. It may not be such a bad thing dating a blue collar brother who’s debt load is much less due to going to trade school instead of college. Also, blue collar men are more likely to be resourceful around the house. Any woman who has ever lived on her own knows home and car repairs are expensive. Thus, if you have a brother more inclined to such things, he can save you a lot of money and teach your sons those same skills. Blue collar men (of all races) are also more inclined to opening their own businesses. Look at your community (no matter the demographics). The car repair shops, liquor stores, grocery stores, barber shops, hardware stores, independent plumbers, independent movers, and restaurants are all owned by non-college educated men.  Some may have taken some courses here or there. But the lion’s share of them took their trade and went to work for themselves.  College educated people tend to go to work for someone else and sometimes get stuck there because of the supposed security and prestige.  They have to work harder to overcoming their fears.

All I’m saying is evaluate the man’s character whatever his race, income bracket, or even his supposed measurements.

Is he the type of man you would want your daughter to marry? No? Then he is not good.

LET HIM GO.

He's black and breathing...Yep, he's good enough for me.