Fear Is A Blessing & A Curse

Fear is a blessing and a curse. It causes us to sense pending danger and act to protect ourselves like running out of a burning building or putting on layers of clothes during the winter. However, it can also hinder us, especially as we endeavor to do greater things. Life experiences can reprogram the mind, setting up false alarm systems preventing us from moving forward. We often deem fear the root. However, usually fear is just the symptom of other underlying issues. Once we scrape away the layers of dirt and remove the real seeds of the problem, we can grow and be and move more freely.

I had my life mapped out. I would graduate from high school, go to an astute black college, all free-of-charge or with as limited amount of loans as possible, become a teacher in an urban high school, and change the world. Simple, right? However, as the saying goes, ‘If you want to make God laugh, make plans’. I followed all the advice. I got good grades, was a part of extra-curricular activities, got good SAT scores, went on college tours, secured scholarships before and throughout senior year, and applied to my dream schools and a few back-up schools before the spring application rush. Somehow, I applied to my back-up school first, almost as a practice application. It was a black college in the middle of nowhere much closer to my home than I wanted to be with quite a reputation-positive or negative depending on who you talked to. Lo and behold, weeks later I received a letter from the college awarding me a full tuition scholarship. Nonetheless, I was not impressed. I wanted to go where I wanted to go. I kept applying to colleges which I thought were more aligned with my caliber of academic excellence. My pride was the real seed that was blurring my vision of where I thought God would have me.

I received scholarships from other schools. I was accepted into my dream schools and even visited their campuses. I still was not impressed. When I went on a college tour of my second choice, there were too many current students telling me not to go there. There also was a stench of superficiality that my spirit didn’t agree with. Even though I valued academic excellence and a strong reputation, there is nothing more beautiful than authenticity. I visited my top choice which was in a large city. I, being a city girl, thought it would be a good fit. I got on the campus and realized, I wanted a new environment. I didn’t want to go from one large city to another. Meanwhile, it was getting late into my senior year and I had this scholarship looming over my head from this school that I had on my list as the last of last resorts. I finally decided to visit the campus. It was just what the doctor ordered. It was a beautiful fall day and the glory of autumn was on full display. The tour guides answered all my questions honestly and clarified that my experience, just like with everything in life, would be based my own decisions. I was hooked. Sometimes, exposure and simple affirmation of what we already know is what makes all the difference. Furthermore, I received my acceptance letter from my top school three days after my high school graduation. Needless to say, I was immediately turned off. If that is how they treated students before they get in, imagine how they treat them once they are there.

College is not just a place to learn. It is a place to grow, just like any other place of transition. Therefore, you want to be in a place where the soil is ripe for you to do both properly. The only person who knows the perfect fit, or the next best move, is God.
During my matriculation process, over and over again I realized how my steps had been ordered. I got even more scholarships while I was there. My absent father, who was finicky about supporting me and my sister while we were growing up, seemingly had saved up money for me to go to college and released the money. When there was still a balance, my mother, even though it was a struggle, was able to pay. I left that school owing nothing to any loan company and everything to the favor of God. I learned so much about myself and had a wealth of great experiences. The college had a thriving campus ministry and I matured tremendously in my faith. I still kick myself about how I really had no reason to fear anything. Anytime fear tries to run me over, I run to that experience and am encouraged. I did the work, got out of my own way, and am still being blessed by that experience.

There is nothing more wonderful than being exactly where you are supposed to be. Likewise, there is nothing more disheartening than being somewhere we shouldn’t be and thus encountering problems we could have avoided. It is even more painful when the mess was all of our own making. Getting off-track is too expensive and can waste a lot of time. Childhood experiences can frame faulty ways of thinking and thus we make bad decisions.
Again, the symptom is fear but the root-pride, unforgiveness, poor self-esteem, or needing someone’s approval-is something else or many things all at the same time.

It is our responsibility to do the physical work and the psychological work to fulfill our goals. Walking into your destiny requires…walking. Action must be taken in order to get there. We must go beyond the fear, uproot those bad seeds that choke our growth, and place one foot in front of the other. My goal could be to go to the grocery store. However, if I don’t get up, get dressed, make sure my money is available, get in my car, walk, or get on the bus, and go there, all the wishing and inspirational words in the world will not make it happen. Work enables us to appreciate the destination once we have arrived. If I fear leaving the house because the neighbor’s aggressive rockweller might be outside or that the neighbors will snicker, and still don’t go, all the wishing in the world will not get me to the store. Notice, the destiny never changed. The need for me to go to the store never changed. It is my actions (or reactions) that determined whether or not I arrived and got what I needed.

For those who have traveled outside the house but somehow have gotten off track; please believe a wrong turn does not mean you will not get there UNLESS you resign yourself to stay where you are. The maggots of regret fester and swallow people alive on the detour. The major ingredient for the entire experience, especially when you’ve gotten off track, is endurance. You must keep pressing. Tired, worn out, brokenhearted, wasted time, wasted money, afraid of the even greater unknown-ENDURE.

So…go get your bread. Your family’s waiting on you.