First Session of Therapy

On Saturday, I will be going to my first session of therapy with a female pastor near my house. I've been to therapy before. I went my senior year of college at a Women's Center on campus. I don't know what it was but I was down in the dumps. All three years prior, I was fine. But that last year, i was a faucet. I cried every other day. I just needed someone to talk to. After graduation and earlier this year (2010), I went to a therapist downtown but she didn't take insurance cards. So a 50-minute session would cost $110. If she took insurance, it would have been $30 dollars. I bought a car while building our relationship, so with parking, a visit could cost $120/week which was more than I could afford now that I was paying a car note and insurance every month. This new therapist or counselor is a female Pastor. I am kind of skeptical as Christians tend to be very limited in their world view and do not know how to give functional advice. Their answer to everything is Let Go and Let God but not everything is a Let Go Let God situation.

I want help purging the tunnels of mental refuse that have clogged my mind for so long. I have been depressed in varying degrees since my last year in high school, now 10 years. I just want to be free. I do believe. I hope. I expect it will get better. That I will be alright; that I will be normal and complete and whole.

Nonetheless, this Pastor says she starts with a personality test and we go from there. That's different. I'm interested to see what this test reveals and how we can use it work out my salvation more effectively. The believers know what I'm talking about. Pray for me as I continue towards healing.

Lord, don't let me hurt myself.